As of late I’ve noticed a more emotional side of myself to be appearing. Some would probably say I’m a little more angry than usual vs emotional. ; ) We will just blame that on pregnancy hormones. Aldo will probably say I’m both… but we won’t ask him. Haha… Anyways, I don’t know if it is part of the preparation for being a mother or what it is… but lately I’ve noticed myself being more protective of people and how they treat themselves especially how they talk about themselves.
Lately, more of the women in my life have been my target… I guess I can relate being that I am one. It seems that we women carry things with us. Many good things… many other things too. We carry the weight of our past, the weight of what will become of our futures. We carry the words people have said about us, the words people have said to us. We carry our fears…our denials… our set backs… our disappointments… things that have hurt us… people who have hurt us…. and those that have left us. We can wear them in our attitude towards ourselves, in our attitude towards others. We cover them up sometimes, we do our best to put on a smile knowing all the while we are hurting.
Why do we carry this baggage like it’s not worth letting go of. We hold on so tight to what cannot be undone. How can we be free of the things that hold us back. How can we be free of our fears. Scars are not really meant to be beautiful. They do however serve a purpose. They remind you of what has come and gone. They remind you that you were once cut open and hurt. BUT scars are meant to heal. The only way they start bleeding again is if we ourselves induce the pain. I’ll say it again, scars are meant to heal.
So, where do we go from here?
We look in the mirror with the strength we are sometimes afraid to face or simply tired of maintaining. We muster up some more… We believe in ourselves. Maybe shed a few tears… or take down a pint of gelato. #guilty… We have to forget about what others have said about us. We learn to love the beauty of our story, even the ugly parts. We have to get off the couch and stop sulking. There are only so many re-runs we can watch after all. We have to learn to forgive, we leave the baggage behind. We all know how easy it is to say. Harder to do. One day at a time makes everyday better.
AND we can’t be afraid to ask for help. It’s much easier to bandage a wound with a nurse near by. Just saying.
One day I’ll write out my story. I can’t say how thankful I am for all I’ve experienced. Good, bad and ugly. Thank God for helping me face the mirror everyday and face my scars. I find strength in knowing that I can cast my cares on one who always cares for me.
Psalm 100:5 The Message (MSG)
5 For God is sheer beauty,
all-generous in love,
loyal always and ever.