Ball & Chain

It often seems these days when you hear someone speaking about marriage, you hear the worst. Often it’s complaints about a spouse’s inability to help out, their clinginess, their never ending nagging… yada yada… It’s very rare to hear a positive story about marriage it seems.

Now let’s be clear. I’ve been married 5 years, 6 in September, so I’ve got lets say a “white belt” in the marriage department. (That’s level 1 for all you non 90s karate kids out there) But I’d like to put it out there that marriage can be one of the most wonderful things in life, if we both are willing to work at it. So these are a few fun things I’ve learned about marriage in my few short years…

# 1 – Bacon

Sometimes my husband comes home lets say… less than happy, he’s had a bad day and I’ve had a long one too. Now, I’m not going to lie, there are the days where we just argue about nothing and annoy each other until we each go our separate ways for the evening… but the best nights include breakfast for dinner and welcoming home hugs and kisses. I’ve realized that Bacon makes everything better. Sorry vegans, but it’s true. I don’t know why but there is something about a hearty breakfast that just makes the day feel like it should have from the beginning. The point here, sometimes we just need to sit down and eat together and find comfort instead of coming home to a barrage of “to-dos” and disappointments. The dishes will get washed… eventually.

#2 – Tacos in the car

Once long ago, I ate taco bell, and I wanted to eat it in the car right after we bought it. No one likes a cold taco…however, my husband knows that lettuce will somehow find it’s way from that taco to the darkest crevice in the car… and he will be the only one to ever find it again. So, maybe just maybe, he will ask me to wait 5 minutes until we get home to eat. And, maybe just maybe, this will infuriate the hungry version of me. Though this might be the stupidest of stories and you may agree with me that tacos are more important than car cleanliness… sometimes, we have to do things we don’t like or agree with to make the other person happy at that moment. I have a choice to make, be rude and upset or simply wait 5 minutes and eat at home. This goes for a million other silly arguments we all have everyday…. I have to ask myself… is it really worth it to be right or get my way, after all I’m not a toddler anymore and the taco will survive the trip home.

#3 –  Christmas Cookies

When we first got married I wanted to spend all we had from our tiny monthly budget on Christmas presents, but instead I made Christmas Cookies for everyone, because truth be told it’s all we could really afford at the time. It hurt my pride a little…because I love buying things… anyway that’s not the story. On the way to our families house, I asked my husband something I’m sure I’ve said a million annoying times, not to drive like a maniac (his version is race car driver), please just this once. The cookies didn’t have a cover because I’d carefully decorated them and I didn’t want to ruin the icing. But of course, in order to avoid a looming death we had to swerve or who can even remember what happened, but those stupid cookies, they ended up on my dress… and my husband heard the life or death speech of a century. In the moment I thought Christmas had been ruined because the cookies looked like starfish instead of stars and they were surely not snowman anymore… if I was honest I would have realized that, before they were smooshed… Anyways, I’ve learned that in marriage, it is so easy to nag each other, to look at all the ugly things we don’t like and turn an already not good situation into something much much worse simply by how I choose to react.

Here’s the truth about life, it’s not always the prettiest. But, we can turn something ugly into much less ugly if we just don’t act like a brat all the time. It’s so much easier to be selfish or mean to one another because we can all be annoying sometimes. It’s much harder to say, “that’s ok baby, don’t worry about it.” And move one when all you really want is to make them feel as bad as you do at the moment.

And that’s it. Love is a choice, and an action. Loving someone especially your spouse more than you love yourself is going to be the hardest choice of your life, until its the easiest. Marriage can be your ball and chain or it can be one of the most wonderful things of your life. It’s obviously not always perfect, but it’s just how you want to see it and what your’e willing to put into it… just like everything else in life, right?

So all in all, just buy the bacon.

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